Is it Gen X Resilience or Are We Accepting the Unacceptable

If I asked 1,000 people to share a word to describe Gen Xers, over 80% would say resilient. 

Google Gen X and resilience and you'll find article upon article about how our generation is synonymous with resilience.

Now, you're sitting here reading this and you are probably nodding your head profusely. It's a point of pride for us, especially as women who have to be the spine of the family, of the office, of our relationships.

I've been thinking a lot about over the last six months is this, what if being resilient has made us accept sh#t instead of changing it? Have we become the generation to accept the unacceptable and declare it "Resilience?"

Most recently, I had a new client share some real horror stories from her work. Her boss was unbearable and unrealistic and it sounded as though she were also a bit dysfunctional. My client received strong performance reviews year after year (after year). Yet,  in public, her boss would gaslight her, be condescending or diminish her in front of her team. Ironically, she didn't hire me to help her manage or improve her relationship with her boss and when I asked her directly about it, her response hit me over the head. She said, "I've handled so much in my lifetime, I can handle this too." 

Admirable? Maybe.

Necessary? Absolutely not.

You see, we've become Masters of the Struggle leaning on our resilience to muster up the energy and grit to get through every situation, regardless of what is thrown at us.  Here's the question, why?

I wanted to understand if her resilience was being rewarded, so I dug even further,

- What new challenges have you been able to obtain at the company? 

- What recognition are you receiving across the organizational matrix?

- When was the last time you were promoted?

- What is your average salary increase year over year?

I bet you can imagine the answers to these questions.

Then I asked a very different question, "What makes you believe you need to pick yourself back up and power through these circumstances instead of choosing a new path?"

It was right then the realization hit her, she was proud of her resilience, not walking away, not giving up, not pushing back. It was part of her identity. Yet, she also realized how this identity didn't serve her professional growth at all.

Just because our generation has had to be resilient, doesn't mean we have to stay in situations and power through them. We should use our resilience when choices are limited, an ill parent, a layoff, or a pandemic. However, to lean on resilience to suffer through unacceptable situations is only hurting us. 

We get to choose our path forward and use our resilience to muster up the strength for change. Instead of sticking it out with your toxic boss because you’re resilient, find an organization where you will be valued and respected for your contribution. Use resilience to leave, not stay.