3 Ways to Ask for What You Want
I’m tired of putting everyone else’s needs before my own.
You too?
I’m not surprised. Women have been conditioned to be this way; Gen X women—even more so.
Here’s the rub… we’re told to ask for what we want. Be bold. Open your mouth.
Yet, when we do… we get a lot of pushback, resulting in more frustration, hurt feelings, and thoughts of “why even bother.”
Here are three ways to ask for what you want and get it!
#1. Ditch this thought, why do I even have to ask, they should know.
Friend, this is called being a victim and you’re better than this. I don’t know why they “don’t know” but complaining about it is just wasting time.
I will also suggest it’s your brain’s way of keeping you safe by offering all sorts of reasons why this isn’t fair in the first place. In reality, this is just keeping you safe from the discomfort of asking. Don’t fall for it.
#2. Guilt and other stupid emotions are not allowed to participate in this conversation.
All of your emotions are valid. They are here for a reason, alerting you to your thoughts beneath the surface. You may feel guilt, frustration, embarrassment, anxiety, or other emotions.
It’s ok to have these emotions because they are true for you. However, it is not ok to let these emotions lead the conversation.
Here’s what I recommend. Spend some time journaling by asking yourself what am I thinking to cause me to feel guilty? Maybe you think you don’t really deserve what you’re asking for. Hmmm. Eye opener right? Next, spend some time getting to the bottom of why you feel like you’re not worth it.
Not a journal person? Ask a friend who will help you unravel but not commiserate or hire a coach. We’re trained to help you get to the bottom of these things.
#3. Be direct
This is not the time to beat around the bush. Don’t drop hints or ask halfway. Your conversation could go something like this….
"This is what I would like and this is why."
If you get pushback, which by the way you should prepare for, you can say….
"I understand you want to INSERT THEIR REASON WHY and I need ADD WHAT YOU NEED"
If you still get pushback stab them in the eye with a fork.
JUST KIDDING!
Say something like….
"OK, it sounds like we can’t come to an agreement here. Why don’t we think about ways we can come to a resolution and discuss this again?"
Practice makes perfect with these things. If you’re used to using the wish method to get what you need, as in “I wish they would just do it”, this is going to take more time and practice. It also may feel very uncomfortable at first. That’s ok and to be expected! It will get easier.
Now, let’s recap… I gave you 3 ways to ask for what you want:
Ditch the thought why do I even have to ask, they should know
Guilt and other stupid emotions are not allowed to participate in this conversation
Be Direct
