What a colonoscopy taught me about self-worth

Heading on toward my 52nd birthday, I was long overdue for a colonoscopy. This was supposed to happen once I turned 50, putting it off was a silver lining of COVID. 

Anyway, if you’ve had one, you’re groaning in commiseration and if you haven’t, well... just wait. 

Thank goodness for the drugs, because it’s the most uncivilized thing I’ve done, ever. I had more dignity the time I had to pee in the woods. Yes, I am totally digressing. 

In preparation for the grand event, I could not eat for 36 hours. Given that I’ve never gone without chocolate for more than 24 hours, this was a challenge. 

The only thing I could focus on was Netflix -- I watched 5 documentaries in a row, including a documentary about Quincy Delight Jones. (Yes, his middle name is Delight! How fabulous is that?!) 

A legend so many times over, Quincy comes from an extremely humble background from the South Side of Chicago.

In the 1930s, the South Side was really, really rough. His mother had schizophrenia and was literally taken away in a straight jacket, the repercussions of this haunting him throughout his life.

Quincy also experienced extreme poverty and hunger (which put my fasting situation in check fast) and by the age of 7 he had street life battle scars. Really tough stuff.

Then he said something that literally made me jump out of bed so I could get a pen to write it down.

“I knew my self-worth didn’t depend on anyone's acceptance of me.”

WHOA.

As smart Modern Gen X Women, we know this but do we always really adhere to this across the board? 

Maybe you don’t have a problem with family members accepting you but at work you find yourself getting wobbly at the thought of rejection from senior management. 

Maybe you're an entrepreneur and you’ve suffered sleepless nights mulling over a conversation with a client that has made you second-guess how they feel about you. 

One of the most powerful tenants of the Modern Gen X Manifesto is that Validation Comes from Within.

Yet, sometimes that can be tricky.

You may get it in theory, but find yourself struggling to really wrap your arms around it and put it in practice. That’s ok and you’re not alone. So many Gen X women find themselves in the same place. 

Here are a few tips to strengthen your conviction.

#1. Get clear on with whom, when, and where this doubt creeps in. The clearer you can get the easier it will be to turn the story around. 

#2. Know that you can strengthen your conviction and feel solid in your self-worth no matter what. It takes time, practice, patience, and perseverance. 

#3. Have a mantra in place. Feel yourself getting a little off-kilter? Repeat your mantra over and over. 

Remember, your self-worth is dictated by no one but you. While this puts the responsibility on you, it’s also amazing news because you get to call the shots here. 

Never outsource your own self-worth.