I’m a nervous wreck

When I was a kid my first day of school butterflies started on August 1.  My tummy would be a flutter worrying about which teacher I’d get. I went to Catholic school and somehow I’d always be put in the class with the meanest nun. 

As I got older those tummy butterflies turned into knots in my stomach. 

When I was in corporate there were many evenings I left the office with worry buzzing in my head. Did I make the right decision? Did I handle that tough situation well? Was the project I just completed good enough?

Then I left corporate to become an entrepreneur and my anxiety dial was turned to high. I had to put myself out there, talk about what I did, work with clients, and have sales calls. I did it all, but I used to shake like a leaf.  I’ve heard entrepreneurship is the best course in self-development and I believe it. 

Anxiety has been with me for as long as I can remember so even though I get the butterflies, knots, and pounding heart, I always push through to the other side only to realize it wasn’t that bad. 

Then this past summer I had an anxiety awakening.

There were a few weeks when I was dealing with something extremely stressful. This went beyond the usual knots in my stomach. There were a few sleepless nights and it felt like I was wearing a heavy winter coat in the hottest heat of summer. 

Miraculously the situation resolved itself. Jackie was with me when it happened and she said she saw the weight of the stress lift off of me. 

Feeling so much lighter I went on to have a productive day, have a few belly laughs, and feel really good. Actually, it felt amazing. 

But it didn’t last long. That night I caught myself purposely putting myself into ANOTHER stressful situation! 

That’s when it hit me.

Anxiety is the baseline emotion I’ve been carrying around my entire life. When I don’t feel anxious, my subconscious is telling me something is wrong, so I purposely seek out stressful situations to make sure I’m operating at my baseline. 

Kinda crazy, right?!   

Thank goodness I’m a coach and the coaching philosophy that Jackie and I have created is built on the principles of energy leadership and neuroscience. Based on these principles, I understand that even though my baseline operating system is set to anxiety, I can reprogram it to operate at a higher level; which is something I’ve been working on this summer. 

I love when I have these kinds of light bulb moments and Jackie and I both had quite a few this summer. We talk about our summer growth spurts in this week’s episode of Modern Gen X Woman. Take a listen here.